Thinking About What Thinks

"I feel like the human mind craves reassurance far more than we think it does" 

The human mind is the most powerful thing in the universe. It's diversity, and it's complex, myriad ways of working which no one has been able to decode completely yet. The ability of the brain to change your whole perception of the world is unbelievable in itself. It could make you from a saint into a murderer. The possibilities are endless. We think we control ourselves. We think we think and take our actions independently. But in fact the brain is making us do all this. It's pre-programmed "software" decides everything for us. Our brain IS our mind. We feel what our brain wants us to let us feel and we neglect what our brain finds irrelevant. We are a representation of what goes on inside our brains. Although, I'm not saying we could go blaming our brains for every mistake we make. But what I am asking is why are "mental patients" called mental patients. Why is our social system designed in a way to test our brains, not "minds". Why are we prisoners in our own bodies? 

Two things brought my attention to this issue. The first is T's tweet as quoted above. And the second is the film "Gone Girl" that I watched. It really just hit me the extremes someone could go to just to reassure their mind. The lengths some people's brain's can make them go in order to seek revenge for false reassurance someone else has given them. The constant "devil" that is apparently sitting in the corner who's always whispering the opposite to what you think.. This internal argument may even  be between the brain and soul. Who knows? Maybe that is the purpose of life. The test everyone's brought to life on this Earth for. How we can fight this battle of both good and evil thoughts and sometimes thoughts that can't exactly be categorised to do what is the "right" thing, however foggy the situation may be. 

This is exactly why the human mind craves reassurance. It's a need not a want. The reassurance prevents us from wandering off onto the wrong path.. Reassurance assures us everything is happening as intended. As planned. Anything random puts us out of sync. Which is disliked by the brain. This results in the internal "chatter" when decisions have to be made. One voice says one thing. And the other says the complete opposite. Without reassurance we are mere beings without a purpose. A butterfly with discoloured wings. Or even a bird without a nest. 

It is not only ourselves we wish to reassure. But our own feelings about other people. Or reassuring someone else. When our relationships with others are put into scrutiny, reassurance is the best way to set things back in place. However fake the reassurance is. But that's a totally different subject altogether. Maybe.. Just maybe if the heart (meaning the mind) and brain started working together then things would be much easier. 

As I said, the possibilities are endless. And the theories for those possibilities would take forever to discuss. Our species is unfamiliar to this. And therefore reassurance is the only way we can trust ourselves to do what we are thinking we're doing right. Trust is the most important quality to us therefore we can only crave to trust our own judgement before trusting others.. 

On top of the world...

The day before yesterday I had the most amazing experience of my life. And when I say amazing, I really mean it. It was like nothing else. 

Staying in Al-Ain means that Dubai is only 90 minutes away so we can drive there pretty easily. We (my family) have been doing exactly this for the past few years, every time we come on holiday. Dubai is probably my favourite city in the world that I've been to. Everything about it amazes me. From the skycrapers to the cars. The people to the scenery. The best thing about it all is that it all has a meaning behind it, whether it be the name of the buildings or the Arabic culture which is woven beautifully into everything you see around you. The fact that Dubai is so modern and high tech but it has been developed with their roots in mind is something to applaud them for. The city is no less than a masterpiece. 

But one thing I've always wanted to do in Dubai is to go to the top of Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. And I finally had the good fortune of doing this on Friday. It was kind of last minute planning actually. We booked the tickets for it in the car on our way to Dubai. We got their a little early so spent time looking around Dubai Mall. For a girl like me that place is like heaven. I'm more into window shopping when it comes to shops like Elie Saab and Chanel. Buying those brands isn't everyone's cup of tea after all, Well not for most people. I'm just happy looking at all the mannequins dressed in clothes fresh from the catwalk, imagining myself in them. I mean who doesn't want to walk around in Louis Vuitton? Although I'm satisfied with the intangible feeling of being part of that lifestyle for a few minutes whilst walking past those shops. Wouldn't have my life any other way. Wearing highly-priced clothes doesn't compare to what I was going to see for myself a little later. 

We finally got to the part of Dubai Mall where we got entry into Burj Khalifa. Every part of the journey from the second we got in queue was made so special. Even the corridor leading into Burj Khalifa was lined with TV screens that told all about the the tower, it's meaning, the aim behind it and all the people who were part of it's construction. There's something greatly significant about going there and being part of history. Before we knew it we were stood in front of the elevator that took us up. The tourist attraction is at the 125th floor even though the actual building is a few more floors higher. As we got into the lift it looked nothing different to any ordinary lift but once the doors closed and it started moving up, the lights went out and a projection started playing on the walls of the lift. It seemed like we were in the glass elevator from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, moving through the clouds in the night sky. The projection showed us how our height above ground was increasing and some of the major skyscrapers in the world that we would be going past as we went higher and higher. The lift ride lasted just under a minute before we finally got to the top and the doors opened. I could feel my ears popping because of the air pressure as you would feel in a plane. 

What I saw next was nothing like anything else I'd seen. Walking up to the glass walls and seeing how high up I was literally brought tears to my eyes. That's a big thing since not much can make me cry. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and carried on gazing at the view in front of me with no words, The sunset reflecting against the ocean was just the cherry on the top. And then I got on to what I do best and that's take pictures and videos of everything. We'd also made it just in time so we could watch the Dubai (dancing) Fountain (another favourite attraction of mine) from above. 

Perception changes things so much. I kept looking at how tiny the cars looked moving across the roads, never mind the people who were tiny dots barely visible to the eye. Looking ahead I could see miles and miles in front of me, past the city and into the desert. I was in awe. My feet were aching in heels from walking around all day but I couldn't care less. It was one of the most magical experiences of my life and I was going to make the most of it. 

After spending an hour up there, we finally left but the goosebumps hadn't. This is probably not the last time I will be visiting the top. 

Mid-Summer Motivation (Required)

Summer. As always, I had made a ton of plans to do during my summer holidays which all have seem to not happened. 2 weeks into my holidays in Al-Ain (which is a small town in the UAE for those who haven't heard of it before) and I'm wondering what the hell am I doing scrolling through Twitter and Instagram all day in the same spot in my living room. I tell myself I'll regret wasting my time going on the internet all day and then I just do it all over again. The downfalls of today's tech-filled lives!!! It's a constant, never-ending, addicting cycle. Who else? But why does this happen? Why are wired this way? Why is every teen of our generation suffering from this never-seen-before 

condition?

I'm no neuroscientist therefore I can't tell you the exact psychological/biological/sociological reasons... I apologise if you thought I was actually going to help you with your phone addiction. Hopefully if I get into medical school I'll have an actual idea but I can share with you my experience at least... For me it's definitely a lack in motivation as well as the heaps of procrastination because the idea of sitting down and being entertained by vines of One Direction being utter idiots seems a whole lot more productive. No I'm serious. It doesn't make sense to me either but apparently it does to my brain therefore I do it every day on a loop. It doesn't help when you're in a country where daytime temperatures are above 40 degrees currently therefore I spend my days indoors and go out occasionally in the evening when it's cooler. This means I have a lot of time on my hands compared to how I had no time a couple of weeks ago during exam season. But deciding how to utilise this time is much harder than I thought. I was never one to make timetables of things so planning isn't really my thing. That may also be a huge issue. But one thing I really need to make my forte is motivation. that M word that everyone fears. It is something that no one else can bring to you apart from yourself. 

So I decided that being mentally fit starts with being physically fit. I am by no means saying that I'm going to start working out like a maniac to become healthy. What I am saying though is that maybe if I swapped a few of my dietary choices with better ones then that may contribute to a happier, healthier me. Eating Chinese takeaway or pizza regularly and expecting it to not take a negative toll on my body is simply ignorant. I'd heard about detoxing before and thought of it as nothing but an online trend that makes for pretty pictures of pretty drinks on Instagram. Being no kind of expert in these things I had no idea where to start. Little did I know it actually isn't as complicated as I thought. And yesterday, my first day of my detox I managed to finish 3 bottles of this water that has simply lemons and cucumber slices in it. That's a miracle for me because I normally don't even drink more than 3 glasses of normal water a day. I'm not claiming it works but I'll keep you updated on how it's going and most importantly if it helps! 

Only time will tell whether my methods of getting motivated are going to work or not but at least that way I will actually be trying something new. And maybe by trial and error I do find my happy medium, trying to make the most of everyday. I shall end this post with something Jack Dawson famously said....

Living in Lilac...

Earlier today I was talking to T and our everyday conversation about how different we are turned very deep very quickly. We are polar opposites. She likes going out and doing things for herself when on the other hand I like being handed things on a plate. This is why she calls me the princess between us two. But I beg to differ. I think every girl has a princess inside them; some just like to show that in different ways. We’re clearly on different ends of the spectrum.

As I’ve mentioned before the whole point of me “living in lilac” is to have a brighter approach to life, whatever the weather. I really do live in my own little world as I’ve been told; oblivious to all things around me. It’s the littlest things that make me happy like spending an hour perfecting my nails and painting them even though no one’s going to be looking at my hands that closely. It’s buying that nude lipstick you’ve wanted for ages. It’s playing a game of indoor badminton with your younger brother and sister even though you’re absolutely shit at it. Standing under the shower and talking to imaginary people in imaginary scenarios is another past time of mine. And my best friend wonders why my showers are so long.  Also trying to work out for 5 minutes because you really need to get fit as you’ve been promising yourself to exercise and then settling to eat pizza and accepting you’ll never be one of those super-active, super fit, sporty people because you live to eat and not the other way round.

Call it spoiled or just downright lazy, I am extremely dependent on others. I like things being given to me on a plate. When I drop my plate, I shatter with it, instead of trying to fix it. Or I find another plate, which in utter panic, drops too. I treat life like a restaurant where you order what you prefer and you receive exactly that when instead it’s more of a buffet. You have to take the effort to pick for yourself what will be on your plate, without you even knowing how it’ll taste. And what's to say the food available is even what you like? It's just not under your control.

But there comes a point during puberty or even earlier for some people when the reality of being an adult and facing the world alone hits you hard. Your parents are no longer dictating your every step and it's time you make your own decisions. And for those like me that's the most daunting task ever considering how I'm spoon fed everything. Even the prospect of moving away from home for uni has me questioning what I'll do with myself. It's something everyone goes through though I guess. And I am too. We're all in the same boat; trying to keep upright through the darkest of storms and the roughest of waves that hit our decks whilst trying to reach the shore safely. We should just remember to keep our heads held up just as high as the masts through whatever conditions. Nothing can stop you. You're still the you, you were when you left the dock.

Friendship

So it's 2:16am currently in the UAE where I am on holiday. I am sat on my bedroom tiles near my bedroom door trying to catch the Wi-Fi in order to talk to my best friend, T, who's all the way back in England. This 3 hour time difference isn't stopping us. It never does. Whatever we're doing, wherever we are, I and T never fail to keep in contact. And in the process of writing up this post my Dad has turned off the Wi-Fi and now I can't sleep because I haven't said goodnight to T yet.. Therefore I will continue writing my first ever blog post in the hope of making it up to her because she'll definitely read it in the morning.

Mine and T's relationship is as second nature to us just as natural brushing your teeth every morning is. I start my day with her and she's also the last person I talk to before going to sleep. I don't think there has been a day I've had Wi-Fi or Internet in the past 3 years that we haven't spoken. As you've realised yes I am kind of obsessed with my best friend but I guess everyone is obsessed with someone in their lives, right? And we all do the littlest (or even weirdest) of things for that special person. Simply because you can't live without them. I don't even remember what I'd do all day when I didn't have social media and she wasn't my best friend. She's my rock and probably the second person whom I am the most closest to on this planet. For sure. First is my mother. Or maybe they tie first.. But let's not go off track. My point is, it is so weird how attached you get to someone so quickly and how different your life would be hadn't you met that person. There are 2 kinds of people in this world that you'll meet: those who teach you a lesson and those who are there to stay. And T is definitely the latter. My 13 year-old self wouldn't believe I'd be saying this at 18 since we didn't get on at all during the early years of high school. She thought I was a stuck up bitch and I thought she was way too popular and talented to be in my league. I didn't believe in the quote "all good relationships begin with hate" till T became my best friend. We met at such a crucial age where everyone is experimenting to find their identities and also trying their best to fit in especially in an environment like high school. I am who I am thanks to her. 

But when you're away it's that constant feeling of missing them that remains at the back of your head when you're away. It's thinking about what they'd be doing, if they'd eaten and when they'd be going to sleep or drinking coffee to stay up even longer like an idiot! Technology has made it oh so simple for us to contact someone at the click of a button. But still, seeing their face on your screen doesn't take away the fact that you're thousands of miles away from them and can't just make plans to see them the next few days. It's a human fault. We'll never be satisfied with what we get. But what's so good in living life satisfied anyway? To crave is to live. Your heart doesn't just beat hundreds of thousands times a day for you to give your life a satisfactory thumbs up and let it go on as it is. You aren't living if you're not wanting more. In all the right ways of course. I'm not talking about greed. I'm talking about the wanting of feelings. Like that one bungee jump people look forward to in their lives just to feel 30 seconds of adrenaline. Just like that, it's the feeling of a warm hug or kiss of a loved one that keeps us going. And you'll do the littlest or the biggest things to obtain it. After all, we're human. If we've been given feelings, they need to be felt. 

It is now 3am exactly and midnight in the UK. She’s probably awake but definitely time for me to sleep.